My Advice to To-Be HAPPILY married guys - A Satire :D
1. Look for a beautiful girl. Inner Beauty arguments are a big cover up act and it is the greatest myth that beautiful girls have no inner beauty. This defies all logic. After all you have to put atleast your engagement snap in your orkut album to show off and inner beauty cannot obviously be shown!!
2. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder is again a big myth. If an object is green, it appears green to everyone. It’s the same case with beauty. If your eyes are finding Ms Gandhimathi or Mrs (late) Phoolan Devi beautiful, then please go and get your eyes checked before you proceed.
3. Whats in a name? Everything flows from the name. you have to call that name for next 30yrs. Preethi, Priya, Vandana, pooja etc are in. Mythili, Mahalaksmi, annapoorani are out. There is enough research to prove that girl's personalities are shaped by their names.
4. If Her Past Matters to You : A girl will never confess about her past, or any fling, or bad habits to a prospective groom unless she is fairly sure that the interaction is leading to some logical conclusion. This means, she is likely to take atleast a month to a lifetime, before she openly speaks out. This is unlike men, who generally start off highlighting how much they smoke or how many relationships they have had. So if these "confessions" matter in your decision making, then before deciding give yourself atleast 2-3 months time. If not given enough time, then bid for it.
5. Please avoid girls with unmarried sisters, unless you wish to spend your savings on her sister's marriage. It’s a money spent with no returns. Imagine how many times you can take your secretary out for a movie with that money!!
6. If you are going for the ponnu parkal (First Date with Her Family) ceremony, the first thing you must assess is the girl's mother. As her mother, so shall be the girl. If she has a more beautiful elligible unmarried sister, then try to bid for her. Otherwise, reject the girl unless you want to spend a life time repenting why did u start early, oogling at her more beautiful sister!!!
7. Don’t get married to extremely talented girls, if you yourself are highly accomplished. Ore Urai la Rendu Kathi Irukave Pidathu!!! Two Swords must not be there inside a single scabbard. Maintain the balance. Peace in the family is a must.
8. Avoid all sportswomen, athletes, swimmers (even if they are school team levels) in case you have a ponch (which most of us do). In the fight to the finish where performance matters, it hurts to be seen huffing and puffing with no output.
9. Nymphomania is the only (dis)order acceptable. Reject even mild headache cases. It could be brain tumour in the making and your savings is likely to go to Apollo Medical Foundations.
10. Last but not the least, please look for a Girl with a great sense of humour,
(a) Who looks like Asin or Trisha or Katrina.
(b) Who will cook and look after you like a mother.
(c) Who will respect your parents like god.
(d) Who is caring, understanding, romantic, vivacious etc.
(e) Who is sweetness personified.
The Saga of Great Indian Marraiges Continues.:)